Steve Has a New Summer Job in First Stranger Things 3 Teaser

Remember malls? The place you went to show off your new perm, listen to your Walkman, and make out with your college boyfriend? Yah, me neither. I was ridiculously uncool in high school. Thankfully, Stranger Things is here to show us what the hippest spot in the center of the universe was doing in the mid-80s. A new mock-ad for Starcourt Mall! features American treasures like Wicks ‘n’ Sticks, Radio Shack, and Steve Harrington (Joe Keery).

The mammoth two-story (WOW!) mall is coming to Hawkins in the summer of 1985. Stores that no longer exist to my knowledge, like Sam Goody and Waldenbooks, will open to distract the townspeople from deadly Demagorgons. Who can worry about man eating monsters from alternate dimensions when there are so many options at the food court? The commercial quickly touches on some of the highlights and reminds us of those excellently 80s fads like Jazzercise. Jazz your way to fit! But, the highlight of the mall is apparently ice cream. Obviously, there is a reason for that. Our very own Steve Harrington has set sail at Scoops Ahoy Ice Cream shop.

Costar of the commercial is Robin, played by Maya Hawke. They are adorably awkward, but actually look cute in those uniforms. Except get that ironic sailor’s hat off Steve’s priceless hairdo right this minute. His perfect follicles have got to BREATHE. Robin and Steve are both cute kids and will probably be heating up that ice cream joint.

Maybe it’s just the overly excited 80S vibe, but this commercial put me a little on edge. I did my best to scrub and see if there were sinister hidden message in the background, but it looks clean. Other than being a superb spot to open portals to other realms. Let me know if you find any signs of the Upside Down. Maybe I just don’t trust happy people in public places.

This commercial made me realize we have learned to live without much of the mall offerings, but what are young girls going to do without Claire’s? You can order pants online, but you cannot get your ears pierced by the internet. Don’t forget to sanitize those needles, ladies.

Starcourt Mall opens next summer. A bummer for the residents of Hawkins, but an even bigger bummer for us. That’s probably a cutesy tease that the next season will drop in 2019. So much for another Stranger Things Halloween binge. Guess we’ll have to spend this year’s holiday at the mall.

Featured Image: Joe Keery in Stranger Things. Courtesy: Netflix